Quarterback Name Formula

November 22, 2010

When it comes to the quarterback position in the NFL, the player’s name says it all. Statistics? Nope, just a bunch of numbers, if you ask me. Arm strength, throwing motion, how fast can he run the 40? None of it matters if the guy has the wrong name. So with that in mind, may I present my “Quarterback Name Formula.” (General Managers are free to use the formula at will, however, contributions to help pay my student loans will be gladly accepted.)

The formula is really nothing more than two principal rules that must be followed:

Rule #1: “Single Syllable Names.”
This rule requires that either the first or last name of the Quarterback (or both) have only one syllable. However, success at the position is greatly enhanced when the single syllable name is the first name. Examples include Joe Montana, Dan Marino, Brett Favre, etc.

A single syllable last name is also acceptable, but only when the Quarterback’s first name meets a specific criteria. Specifically, his first name may only contain multiple syllables if the first and last letter of the name are not traditional vowels. (For purposes of this rule, the letter “Y” is not a traditional vowel). An example of a violation of this rule is Alex Smith. Notice that while the last name is monosyllabic, his two syllable first name begins with a vowel, to wit, the letter “A”. Any GM following the Quarterback Name Formula could have easily spotted this and saved his team millions of dollars.

Rule #2: “Multiple Syllable Names.” Under this rule, a Quarterback may have multiple syllables in both his first and last name, but only when the number of syllables is the same for each name. Two syllables per name is the optimal number. Additionally, neither the first or last name may begin or end with a traditional vowel. Examples of acceptable names include Roger Staubach and Terry Bradshaw. A violation of the rule would be Dante Culpepper.

And there you have it, and simple formula to help with the selection of the appropriate Quarterback. Of course there may be an occasional exception to the rule, but I’d recommend playing the odds and picking a winner.

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