Kids Say The Darndest Things!

January 12, 2010

File this one under “Be careful what you do around your kids.”

My son is 4 years old. And after a long period of trial an error, he is finally fully potty trained. The payoff in all this is two-fold: First, no more expenses for diapers. Those suckers are expensive!! And the second, he is now ready to go to preschool!

Well, being the good parents that we are, my wife and I did our “due diligence” in selecting the right school for the recently trained “excreminator.” (Yes, I just made that word up, and yes, by “my wife and I,” I mean “my wife”). Ultimately we chose a Montessori school close to our house, and my son was beside himself with excitement about being such a big boy.

So Monday rolls around, and it’s the big day. He’s up at the crack of dawn, and there were no problems getting dressed or packed for school. I had left for work, but I promised I’d come home to go with the rest of the family to drop him off. I kept my promise, and he insisted on riding with me to school. My wife and daughter took a separate car. This would later prove to be a wise choice on their part.

Now did I mention that on the previous day, I participated in an experimental “body cleansing detoxification test?” Probably not. Well I did. And you know, all those toxins that get pulled out of your cells have to go somewhere, right? And I am pretty certain that at about the time I was pulling into the parking lot with my son, those toxins were residing in my lower colon, and the resulting gas was in dire need of release. So I obliged. I then turned off the car, got out, and went around to the other side of the car to get my son. But as I opened the door, I noticed that he had a look on his face not unlike the kind one would get after eating a sour lemon drop, or biting into a caramel covered onion. “Eeeewwwwww, Dad!! Was that you?” Like any good father I smiled and said “Gotcha!!!” Little did I know that my son has learned to dish out his revenge swiftly.

We walked into the school. It was still early so there weren’t too many kids, and some of the staff were milling about. The site director (whom I was meeting for the first time) made her way over to me, and as I extended my hand to greet her, my son blurted out “My dad just tooted in the car and it was nasty!!!!!!!” A hush fell over the room, I don’t remember what I said next, and I don’t think it mattered. The impression had been made.

For those of you keeping score, Mason – 1, Q – nil.

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