Husbands Anonymous

January 20, 2010 · 1 comment

Transcript from a recent meeting of Husbands Anonymous.
(the names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

Biff: “Hi, my name is Biff, and I am a husband.”

Group: “Hi Biff!”

Biff: “It’s been 84 days since my last autonomous decision, and let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy. Why just the other day I was tempted to have an opinion . . . I mean, I was jonesin’ really bad, white knuckles and all, but I called my sponsor and he helped me through it.”

Group: “You’re an inspiration to us all!!”

Biff: “No no, its not me. I didn’t do anything great, its all about the steps, man. Its all about the 12 Steps. I have to admit, that the first one was a doozie. I mean “Admitting that I was powerless over my addiction (to being a man), and that my life had become unmanageable,” that took some real soul searching. But after a while, the desires to play golf, watch football, or simply relax on the couch after a long day at work faded from my mind. It also helped to understand how selfish I was being by going to work every day to earn a living, when all the while I should have just realized my “career” was really just a form of goofing around for ten hours a day while ignoring my responsibilities at home. I didn’t know how much of a wreck I was, but like the first step teaches, admitting I had a problem and that I was powerless to overcome was an essential starting point.

Now the second Step “Coming to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity,” well, I had no idea I was married to her. I didn’t believe it at first, but after being married all these years, she has me convinced that her sole purpose in life is to “change” me for the better. With any luck, I’ll get the permission necessary from her continue on with the remaining 10 Steps.

But for now, I am taking it one step at a time. I am perfectly content to be they guy at Nordstrom holding up a shirt saying “Honey, do I like this?”

Group: “Hang in there man, you can do it!!”

Biff: “Thanks, well I have to get going. If I stay any longer, she’ll start to question why it took so long to buy tampons for her at the store.”

Group: “No problem, Biff, be sure to grab a box on your way out so you don’t blow your cover.”

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