Anatomical Pet Names

August 21, 2009 · 1 comment

One of the benefits of fatherhood is the ability to watch cartoons with your children and not feel guilty. I have taken advantage of this for nearly 7 years now, and I admit it freely. (Note to single men: I do not recommend borrowing the neighbor kids for cartoon viewing. Chances are, you’re gonna end up registering somewhere if you try it.) Anyway, I cannot begin to tell you how happy I was the first time my daughter said she wanted to watch Sponge Bob Square Pants. Despite the fact that the show is an obvious metaphor for a woman’s nether regions (I will take that up in another post), it was like the Heavens had opened, and the blessed gift of cleanliness came to wash away all the adult guilt associated with watching a cartoon. (Mind you, I still reveled in the guilty pleasure of The Simpsons. Some vices die hard.) But the best was when my kids took an interest in the old Warner Bros. cartoons, specifically Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and the gang. Those toons were made in the 40’s and 50’s but I don’t care. They’re funny, and I love ‘em!

So it was on one fine Saturday morning that my daughter (then 4 years old) and I found ourselves watching cartoons on TV, and on came a commercial for Coco Puffs. I didn’t really think anything of it until I heard the tag line “I’m cuckoo for Coco Puffs.” Now most people wouldn’t be concerned about such an innocuous phrase, but in my case, we had a problem. The “problem” started about 3 ½ years earlier when we decided to use pet names for body parts with our daughter. The obvious choice for the back side was “boo boo,” which was heard most often during tubbies and diaper changes (“OK, time to clean the boo boo.”) But of all the names to pick for the front side, somehow we ended up with “Cuckoo.” It was innocent enough, I suppose, and the phrase “OK, time to clean the boo boo and the cuckoo” kind of had a ring to it.

But as I sat there on that Saturday morning and heard that stupid Coco Puffs freak (I think it’s a bird but I am not sure) proposing to barter “Cuckoo for Coco Puffs”, I started to turn pale. I was hoping my daughter hadn’t made the connection, but when I heard her laugh I could feel the blood draining from my head. I quickly turned to her and said “I don’t want you making that trade, EVER!!! I don’t care how much cereal the boy has, there will be NO CUCKOO FOR COCO PUFFS!!!” I think I made my point, but to be safe, we watch DVD’s now.

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